What to know about romance scams

Romance scams are a growing threat, exploiting emotions and online connections. Learn how to spot the warning signs and protect yourself from these deceptive schemes.

Robin, a 56-year-old former teacher living in Louisville, Kentucky, fell for a romance scam … with someone pretending to be a well-known entrepreneur.

She first received Instagram messages from his supposed assistant — who set the mood and seemed to be screening Robin. Then the impersonator himself started contacting her through other social media sites including X and Facebook. The messages eventually became romantic in nature, with the fraudster claiming he loved Robin and wanted to marry her. He was very convincing and used his celebrity status as an excuse for his secrecy and erratic behavior.

“Looking back, if I had any knowledge about romance scams, maybe this wouldn’t have happened to me,” Robin says.

Along with love notes, the scammer began offering Robin investment advice. He told her that he had insider secrets about how to make money fast through cryptocurrency and convinced her to send him $500 through Zelle, which she thought would be used to purchase Bitcoin. Then he asked her to send him a gift card for $150 to cover the “transaction fees.”

“I sent him the gift card, and he immediately blocked me,” Robin says.

But the fraud doesn’t end there. Shortly after, another person contacted her from a different account claiming to be the real celebrity. He revealed that the other person was a scammer and he would help Robin get her money back — all she had to do was share her account information. This was also a trick. 

The rise of romance scams

Robin is far from the only person to fall for a romance scam. Indeed, nearly 70,000 Americans reported a romance scam to the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) in 2022. Though romance scams make up less than 10 percent of all imposter scams (in which a scammer pretends to be someone they’re not), victims of romance fraud tend to lose more money. In 2023, consumers lost a total of $1.14 billion to romance scams. And the largest sums of money tend to be lost in cryptocurrency transactions. 

Americans may be more vulnerable than ever to romance scams due to feelings of loneliness and isolation. In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy called loneliness a public health epidemic. And a recent poll by the American Psychiatric Association found that 30 percent of adults experience loneliness at least once a week, while 10 percent say they experience it every day.

This gives scammers an opportunity to sneak in with promises to cure that solitude. They act like your friend or try to establish an intimate relationship with you, and then — once they’ve gained your trust — they strike.

Types of romance scams: Dating site scams and popular dating apps

Fraudsters will typically reach out on dating sites or well-known dating apps. They’ll likely have profiles that look real but contain no genuine information about themselves. Some will even build a full-blown fake dating website with several fabricated users. In this case, not only can they scam you by pretending to be someone they’re not, but they can also steal your information when you create an account. 

Here are several common romance scams to be aware of:

• The “I need help” scam. Once a scammer establishes a close relationship with their victim, they may say they need help (aka money) because of an emergency or because they’re sick, hurt or even in jail.
• The “I’m doing you a favor” scam. On the flip side, many fraudsters will act like they are helping you. Maybe they are an investment specialist (as was the case with Robin’s scammer) and want to help you make money fast. Or maybe they are a real estate expert and promise to help you with your mortgage payments. Or maybe they just want to give you a really amazing present but need some money for the customs fee.
• The inheritance scam. Also known as the “sugar daddy” scam, this occurs when a fraudster convinces you that they come from a very wealthy family and will soon inherit large sums of money (which they will, of course, share with you). They ask you for money to cover the administrative fees — or just ask for your bank account and credit card information so that they can transfer your portion to you.
• The blackmail scam. If your romance becomes a little steamy — say, your messages become more risqué or you decide to share some intimate photos — the scammer may use those as blackmail, threatening to make them public or send them to your friends, family and workplace unless you pay up.
• The “I need to see you” scam. Some scammers may pretend that they live far away or even overseas, but they really want to meet you in person. Can you wire them some travel money?
• The malware scam. Like some regular online scams, the goal of a romance scam may be to get you to click on a link or open an attachment that installs malware on your devices. 

Why people fall for romance scams

Older Americans are particularly vulnerable to romance scams because they typically have more money (especially in retirement assets) that fraudsters want, and because they are less familiar with social media and digital platforms in general, so are easier to target. But almost anyone can fall for romance scams.

“Scammers are adept at figuring out a person’s pressure points,” says Christan Marashio, a dating expert and coach. “They figure out how somebody is vulnerable and then they use that to their advantage.” And because people post so much personal information on social media and dating sites, it’s easier than ever for scammers to learn about their victims.

Scammers also use sophisticated psychological tactics, such as intermittent reinforcement (being very attentive some days and then totally absent others), manipulation, control and dependence. “The intention is to make people so confused that they don’t know what to believe,” says Marashio. The tactics, she adds, are similar to those used by narcissistic abusers.

“The day I realized that my relationship wasn’t real, I cried and cried and cried,” says Robin. “I felt so embarrassed. Life never prepared me for something like that.”

Romance scam red flags

There are several key warning signs that something is a scam. Here are a few to watch out for:

• They ask for money or personal information. Like with any scam, if someone asks you for money, account information or personal data, don’t provide it and proceed with caution.
• Their profile looks iffy. Check if the person’s profile is complete, if they are using stock photos, if there are suspicious links or unrelated hashtags, and if they have friends and followers.
• They refuse to meet. One big giveaway is if the person you are chatting with refuses to meet you in person. They might say they live too far away, work overseas or have family obligations that require them to stay local.
• The relationship moves very quickly. A scammer is always working toward a goal. In this case, it’s to establish a connection quickly so they can collect their prize and move on to their next victim.
• They “travel a lot.” This is just an excuse to explain why they might be hard to get in contact with and why there may be “time gaps between responses,” Marashio says. “Scammers are usually in a completely different time zone.”
• They ask you to switch to another platform or site. A scammer may ask you to continue chatting on another site — which likely has fewer privacy features in place, is fake or doesn’t even exist, but they still got you to click on the link they shared.

“Frankly, if someone makes you uncomfortable for any reason — maybe they’re prying or won’t respect your boundaries — that’s reason enough to hit the escape key,” says Blaine Anderson, a dating coach for men.

What to do if you fall for a romance scam

If you’re the victim of a romance scam, don’t be embarrassed, Marashio explains. “Scammers work hard at crafting a believable persona and backstory,” she says. “They’re very skilled at psychologically manipulating people.”

• If you sent money through a bank wire, contact your bank and see if they can help.
• Collect any records you have of your communication with the scammer, and file a police report with your local department.
• Report the scam to the FTC and the FBI.
• Report and block the profiles used by the scammer on social media and dating sites.

Robin, for one, sees her experience as an opportunity to promote positive change. “We need to set more online protections and standards, expose the identities of scammers, and invoke justice,” she says.

Discover more tips and advice to help you and your loved ones avoid scams.